No, I Don't Want Zantac...

It started late one night, I woke up in extreme pain, telling Ryan I couldn’t breathe while clutching my right side. Being six months pregnant with my first baby, I was very confused about what it would feel like to go into labor, but I had a pretty good feeling, this wasn’t it. I called the on-call nurse and she told me I needed to go straight to the hospital to be monitored.

After a 30 min drive to the hospital, an hour of monitoring, and being told “You’re not going into labor, the baby is fine. Drink water & Try to rest.” And I was sent home with no answers. This happened five more times, each time with no answers. Flash forward to after I gave birth to Jonathan, and I was up late one night breastfeeding. That intense pain came over me again & I could barely even function. Before I would get some relief by taking a hot shower and letting the water beat on my back, so I handed the baby off to Ryan and jumped in the shower. I was laying on the floor of the shower crying and praying when it was almost like someone said it clear as day “look up gallbladder attack symptoms".

DING DING DING. We have a winner folks. I called my doctor in the morning and she scheduled me for an ultrasound of my gallbladder. And I wasn’t surprised when they told me it was full of gallstones and that they would recommend removing it. “There are RARELY complications with this surgery, so you should be able to resume normal life after this.” the surgeon told me after surgery, and so I did. I went back to eating all the same stuff I was eating before… lots of greasy food, soda, ice cream, sugar, heavy food and spent the next year and a half popping imodium, gasX, lactaid and the last straw being prescribed Zantac.

Is your stomach hurting yet? I was haphazardly diagnosed with “dumping syndrome” or “Possibly IBS” but there is no definite answer, and then prescribed a daily zantac. I don’t fault my doctor for giving me a prescription in order to fix my problems, because it seems like that is what MOST people these days are looking for. They don’t want to dig deeper and find the root of the problem, they would rather take a magic bullet that would quickly make them feel better. But all the Zantac did for me was (To put it delicately) give me constipation, and then I would eat food I knew would send me to the bathroom just to find some relief. Rinse. Repeat.

I was gaining weight at an alarming rate, I was a few pounds away from being the weight I was when I gave birth. I was bloated. My face was puffy. My skin was awful, and the exhaustion was OUT OF THIS WORLD. I knew SOMETHING needed to change, I just didn’t know what. But I knew that taking Zantac wasn’t the solution.

And then I realized something pretty important… and if you take anything away from this, take this… “Just because something is made and is available for you to consume, DOES NOT mean it's actually safe and healthy.”

Don’t get me wrong, I make unhealthy choices all the time, but the frequency in which I was consuming pop (Or soda), candy and other processed foods, was pretty amazing. For me, it started with being mindful about WHAT I was actually eating. I decided that I would start by cutting out ALL POP. Small steps. After a few days without stomach issues, I realized that I was on to something.

The next month, I decided to do a complete detox from gluten, dairy, soy, legumes, alcohol, refined sugars and caffeine. It was tough. Like seriously tough, especially because for a full week of that detox I was out of town staying in a hotel with my almost 2 year old, as Ryan finished out his Master’s degree. But I set myself up for success and found safe snacks and food. After the detox, I added back a few things, but realized just how good I felt and that was something I wanted to hold on to.

Have I stayed completely devoted to a gluten and dairy free diet? Nope. Since that detox, I’ve added two other humans to our family, and those restrictions went out the window as I survived pregnancy, post partum & breastfeeding. But it is something I easily come back to because I know just how much better I feel when I stick to a (mostly) gluten and dairy free lifestyle.

Is this for everyone? Nope. Is this going to fix your own personal stomach issues? Maybe? It’s hard to say THIS is what is wrong, and THIS will fix you, but it has worked for me. And I’m such a huge advocate for doing YOUR OWN RESEARCH. My doctor was giving me a prescription to fix the problem I complained about, but there was a much bigger problem that she couldn’t have know because she wasn’t in my kitchen when I drank another can of coke, or in my car as I stopped for my 2nd mcflurry of the day. She saw a “Thin” person and assumed I ate a well balanced diet, and out of my own shame, I didn’t correct her.

Which leads us to today. I spent all last weekend in sweatpants, feeling uncomfortable, because my stomach felt bloated, my body felt sluggish after a month of enjoying the holiday treats. Here we are in January with another sweets addiction, snacking on anything and everything, not giving my body what it actually needs. (More water and nutrients). But with the crystal clear realization that it’s time to make some better choices. Be an advocate for yourself. I’ve spent the past 365 days doing the best I can to take care of myself but the biggest thing is I don’t feel like I’ve deprived myself of ANYTHING. But more on that another day.

Finding My Focus: Why I do What I do...

“What do you do? And Why do you do it?” Two questions I’ve been sitting down with a lot lately. Outside of the obvious “I’m a mom, and I love my kids” it’s really getting me thinking on a bigger scale.

This year for Christmas, Ryan bought me a book that was on my amazon wish list, and instead of just buying one, he bought two so he could read it right along with me. In true Ryan fashion, he had to vet the author and make sure she was good and someone he would enjoy reading, and after realizing that a lot of her messages align with his current favorite author, Michael Hyatt, he was intrigued. For those curious, it’s The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton.

Let me preface this with saying, I’m not someone who enjoys reading. If I have a spare 10-15 minutes, I usually waste it scrolling instagram or amazon looking at random things I don’t need. I couldn’t even be motivated in high school or college knowing my grade depended on it. It’s just never something that I’ve given myself the mental space to do. So when Ryan told me he would do this with me and we could discuss the book together, I was excited for another thing for us to talk about. A little look into me and Ryan’s relationship, we talk a lot, we discuss certain topics, we are very much involved in each other’s lives. If you were to see us out on a date in a restaurant (you know, pre-covid), there are no phones at the table, and we are usually talking or laughing.

A couple nights ago, after finishing a chapter, I put down the book and started talking about the questions that the author posed. “What do I do? Why do I do it? What am I passionate about? What makes me great?” Ryan and I tossed around a couple ideas, and he told me things that he thought I was good at, and I brought up a few things I enjoyed. Outside of motherhood, one big constant for me in all my years, I’ve always loved connecting with people on very personal levels. Almost allergic to small talk, I don’t want to talk to you about the weather, but rather something that is on your mind. Something deeper than that. Something you aspire to do, something you’re struggling with. Or I want to talk to you about something deeper that’s on my mind, in order to connect with you and show you another layer of who I am.

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, and have had a real conversation with me, you know that I don’t fake the funk. People who know me in real life, and follow me on social media know that they get the same person no matter what. (I may curse a little bit more in real life, but that’s only if I know there aren’t children present.) But THIS is me. And one thing that I brought up to Ryan as an answer to what I’m passionate about, is that I don’t like knowing people feel alone. Whether it’s in life, in motherhood, in their health, in their struggles, in their joy, I want to be able to use what God has given me, who He made me to be, and bring those struggling a glimmer of peace and to feel seen.

Okay, so all that to say, how am I going to put this into action? Honestly, I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep talking about my life, our struggles, our wins because that’s what I love. Maybe it’s here on the blog. Maybe it will be with people who send me direct messages. Or with friends I get to sit down and have coffee with. But my one prayer for 2021 is to continue this life of living with intention, not buying into the lies that THINGS make us happy, motherhood is always awful and hard, being healthy means you have a perfect body, and that a good life should always be easy and without obstacles.

I feel like I declare this over every year, but last year I blogged 19 times over the course of a year, which is WAY more than I did in 2019, or 2018 combined! So here I go again, trying to be better at this, and setting a goal of AT LEAST once a week, which feels completely manageable at the moment. Happy first week of January!

Finding Joy Right Where I'm Planted...

We’ve all heard the quote “Bloom Where You’re Planted” And if this year has taught me anything, it’s simply that. If you talked to me four years ago, I could tell you a million things I wished we had… things that I wished we could change about our house, our life, our financial situation. I was busy looking left and right and eyeing up all the things I didn’t have, and the lives of others on instagram, wishing for a home that felt “instagram-worthy” and perfect. I’m not generally someone who covets what others have, but I could easily get consumed by petty jealousy and play a mean game of comparison.

In the last few years, I’ve worked pretty hard on this. I’ve become best friends with the “unfollow” button, or the mute button. I’ve stopped picking up magazines, stopped looking for things I want, and focused so much more on what we need, and let everything else fall away. Social media is very good at feeding us a lie that tells us that what we have is never enough and what other people share about having is what we also need to have. Living a life of excess, having an over abundance of stuff, a new wardrobe every season, blah blah blah… but I realized it’s not what is going to bring you happiness. Maybe it will in the moment, but long term, you can’t sustain that. Instead, you need to find the joy right where you are. In your current moment. Look around and pick out a couple things that make you smile. Count the blessings.

My life is far from perfect. My home… far from perfect. Are those homes I see all over Instagram beautiful? You betcha. Would it be nice to have a little more space for our family to spread out a little? You betcha. But I am so proud of the home we do have. I love that we own a home that when people walk in, they feel cozy and welcomed. 2020 was the year we all stayed home, and the fact that I can say, I still love everything about this house, flaws and all, is saying something.

I wrote an instagram post this morning about instead of comparing my life to what others have, I talked about the joy I felt when I made my bed and saw the new Christmas quilt and red pillows. Seeing so cute and put together, I remembered that wish i made three years ago that “one of these years I’m going to bring the Christmas decor to our bedrooms, in order to bring the holiday magic to the whole house.”

Last year, I invested in two very small and inexpensive trees for the kids rooms. Slowly, but surely, I’m creating the dream I had for us with the limited budget we have, but creating something magical for my children has become more of a priority for me than getting likes or follows on instagram.

Yesterday, as Jonathan looked around the house, he told me… “Mama, Christmas is my favorite time. This looks so magical.” I could feel the lump in my throat, and it made me realize that THAT is what it’s all about. Creating magic in the every day. And for me, there is nothing more magical than a home at Christmastime.

A Room Remodel: Wallpaper Makes all the Difference.

Four score and six years ago… we created a fun and creative space for our new little baby boy. Three years later, we added a baby girl, but because Ryan had just graduated with his Masters, we didn’t have the money to give her a whole new room. So… We took down the small shelves, changed the curtains, added a cute rug and called it good for the time being. There was no rhyme or reason to any of the decor choices, but I really loved those yellow curtains and knew that would be my starting point when I figured out a design for this room one day.

Using the curtains as my color inspiration, I found a wallpaper company I loved and after looking through pages and pages of designs, I narrowed it down to a couple favorites. But for obvious reasons, those triangles just called to me. (I have a triangle tattoo on my arm).

I posted an instagram story saying I wish I could do a collaboration with them, and someone actually messaged me back telling me to send them an email! I could NOT believe it! And from there we sent emails back and forth and locked in on a design.

I found other inspiration in the Crate & Kids catalog, but knew the only thing I could afford was the adorable clothes hamper. But then we got to work.

When we removed the shelves & the trim on the chalkboard, the dry wall was damaged so we knew we had a lot of work ahead of us before we could start installing the wallpaper.

We received the wallpaper the week before all the stay at home orders went into affect. Ryan was super sick that week (negative for covid-19) and then that sickness spread like wildfire through our house. So not only were we dealing with Ryan working from home, no school and not being able to really leave our house… we also had so many projects in our house hanging over us. We finally started our girls room project at the beginning of April.

We had to patch the holes, as well as skim coat the stripes on the old wall to make sure that you couldn’t see the texture from the paint. This was a tedious process, because my sweet husband is a perfectionist and we kept having weird issues with the plaster not adhering to the wall and fine bubbles. Not to mention, something we would normally get someone to watch the kids so we could focus on the project without interruptions, we didn’t want to risk exposure, so everything we did was either during nap time, in between work days and weekends.

Finally by June, we were ready to hang the wallpaper! And I could not be MORE excited about this. One word of advice: Make sure the entire wall is fully painted white before installation. Regardless of the color on the wallpaper, it isn’t 100% opaque, and that dark shadow from the previous paint color at the ceiling is faintly visible through the paper.

On the ColoRay Decor website, our pattern shows the triangles with the points going down (like bunting), but I really loved the idea of them going the opposite direction, so at the last second we decided to flip it.

This is ABSOLUTELY a two person job. Go slow. Don’t rush. We started by giving a little extra at the top. Peeled back the backing and slowly worked from the inside of the sheet to the edges, squishing out all the air bubbles and making sure we didn’t have any creases. Ryan was on the ladder, and I was behind the wallpaper on the floor, slowly pulling the backing down evenly.

Did I mention, GO SSSLLOOOWWWWW. Match up the seams. And if you need to pull it off and reposition it, you absolutely can!!

When we were all done, using a straight edge and a very sharp Xacto-knife, we trimmed off the excess on the top & bottom and the sides.

We had been planning the room remodel for a couple years, and knew we would need to transition Verona into a big girl bed (Which we had already purchased from Ikea December 2019). I managed to take a chance on a bed spread that I ordered as a Target Drive up, praying it would be the right color, and asked for a new white rug for the girls room for Christmas 2019 in preparation for this upcoming remodel.

All the pieces were falling into place, and I had also dreamed of creating two big canvases as art for the wall to complement the wallpaper. I scored these 24x36 canvases from Michaels for 50% off, and was able to create something custom using my Tombow Dual Brush pens! (After planning it out on a smaller canvas just to make sure I liked the way it looked first). I love these lyrics from JJ Heller, and knew they would be perfect for my little girls room.

Our house is small. Our resources are limited. And money was definitely something we DIDN’T have to throw at this. But I knew creating a fun space for my little girls to grow up in was what was important to me, and here we are!

It turned out better than I could have ever dreamed, and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work with ColoRay Decor on this bedroom. Every time I walk in this room it fills me with so much joy, and these two little ladies LOVE it!

List of links:

Wallpaper -ColoRay Designs

Bedframe -Ikea

Twin Quilt -Target

Shag Rug -Rugs.com

Clothes Hamper- Crate & Kids

Curtains -Target

Floral prints -Lulu Ink Designs

Other Print -Handwritten Hope