No, I Don't Want Zantac...

It started late one night, I woke up in extreme pain, telling Ryan I couldn’t breathe while clutching my right side. Being six months pregnant with my first baby, I was very confused about what it would feel like to go into labor, but I had a pretty good feeling, this wasn’t it. I called the on-call nurse and she told me I needed to go straight to the hospital to be monitored.

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After a 30 min drive to the hospital, an hour of monitoring, and being told “You’re not going into labor, the baby is fine. Drink water & Try to rest.” And I was sent home with no answers. This happened five more times, each time with no answers. Flash forward to after I gave birth to Jonathan, and I was up late one night breastfeeding. That intense pain came over me again & I could barely even function. Before I would get some relief by taking a hot shower and letting the water beat on my back, so I handed the baby off to Ryan and jumped in the shower. I was laying on the floor of the shower crying and praying when it was almost like someone said it clear as day “look up gallbladder attack symptoms".

DING DING DING. We have a winner folks. I called my doctor in the morning and she scheduled me for an ultrasound of my gallbladder. And I wasn’t surprised when they told me it was full of gallstones and that they would recommend removing it. “There are RARELY complications with this surgery, so you should be able to resume normal life after this.” the surgeon told me after surgery, and so I did. I went back to eating all the same stuff I was eating before… lots of greasy food, soda, ice cream, sugar, heavy food and spent the next year and a half popping imodium, gasX, lactaid and the last straw being prescribed Zantac.

Is your stomach hurting yet? I was haphazardly diagnosed with “dumping syndrome” or “Possibly IBS” but there is no definite answer, and then prescribed a daily zantac. I don’t fault my doctor for giving me a prescription in order to fix my problems, because it seems like that is what MOST people these days are looking for. They don’t want to dig deeper and find the root of the problem, they would rather take a magic bullet that would quickly make them feel better. But all the Zantac did for me was (To put it delicately) give me constipation, and then I would eat food I knew would send me to the bathroom just to find some relief. Rinse. Repeat.

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I was gaining weight at an alarming rate, I was a few pounds away from being the weight I was when I gave birth. I was bloated. My face was puffy. My skin was awful, and the exhaustion was OUT OF THIS WORLD. I knew SOMETHING needed to change, I just didn’t know what. But I knew that taking Zantac wasn’t the solution.

And then I realized something pretty important… and if you take anything away from this, take this… “Just because something is made and is available for you to consume, DOES NOT mean it's actually safe and healthy.”

Don’t get me wrong, I make unhealthy choices all the time, but the frequency in which I was consuming pop (Or soda), candy and other processed foods, was pretty amazing. For me, it started with being mindful about WHAT I was actually eating. I decided that I would start by cutting out ALL POP. Small steps. After a few days without stomach issues, I realized that I was on to something.

The next month, I decided to do a complete detox from gluten, dairy, soy, legumes, alcohol, refined sugars and caffeine. It was tough. Like seriously tough, especially because for a full week of that detox I was out of town staying in a hotel with my almost 2 year old, as Ryan finished out his Master’s degree. But I set myself up for success and found safe snacks and food. After the detox, I added back a few things, but realized just how good I felt and that was something I wanted to hold on to.

Have I stayed completely devoted to a gluten and dairy free diet? Nope. Since that detox, I’ve added two other humans to our family, and those restrictions went out the window as I survived pregnancy, post partum & breastfeeding. But it is something I easily come back to because I know just how much better I feel when I stick to a (mostly) gluten and dairy free lifestyle.

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Is this for everyone? Nope. Is this going to fix your own personal stomach issues? Maybe? It’s hard to say THIS is what is wrong, and THIS will fix you, but it has worked for me. And I’m such a huge advocate for doing YOUR OWN RESEARCH. My doctor was giving me a prescription to fix the problem I complained about, but there was a much bigger problem that she couldn’t have know because she wasn’t in my kitchen when I drank another can of coke, or in my car as I stopped for my 2nd mcflurry of the day. She saw a “Thin” person and assumed I ate a well balanced diet, and out of my own shame, I didn’t correct her.

Which leads us to today. I spent all last weekend in sweatpants, feeling uncomfortable, because my stomach felt bloated, my body felt sluggish after a month of enjoying the holiday treats. Here we are in January with another sweets addiction, snacking on anything and everything, not giving my body what it actually needs. (More water and nutrients). But with the crystal clear realization that it’s time to make some better choices. Be an advocate for yourself. I’ve spent the past 365 days doing the best I can to take care of myself but the biggest thing is I don’t feel like I’ve deprived myself of ANYTHING. But more on that another day.

Finding My Focus: Why I do What I do...

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“What do you do? And Why do you do it?” Two questions I’ve been sitting down with a lot lately. Outside of the obvious “I’m a mom, and I love my kids” it’s really getting me thinking on a bigger scale.

This year for Christmas, Ryan bought me a book that was on my amazon wish list, and instead of just buying one, he bought two so he could read it right along with me. In true Ryan fashion, he had to vet the author and make sure she was good and someone he would enjoy reading, and after realizing that a lot of her messages align with his current favorite author, Michael Hyatt, he was intrigued. For those curious, it’s The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton.

Let me preface this with saying, I’m not someone who enjoys reading. If I have a spare 10-15 minutes, I usually waste it scrolling instagram or amazon looking at random things I don’t need. I couldn’t even be motivated in high school or college knowing my grade depended on it. It’s just never something that I’ve given myself the mental space to do. So when Ryan told me he would do this with me and we could discuss the book together, I was excited for another thing for us to talk about. A little look into me and Ryan’s relationship, we talk a lot, we discuss certain topics, we are very much involved in each other’s lives. If you were to see us out on a date in a restaurant (you know, pre-covid), there are no phones at the table, and we are usually talking or laughing.

A couple nights ago, after finishing a chapter, I put down the book and started talking about the questions that the author posed. “What do I do? Why do I do it? What am I passionate about? What makes me great?” Ryan and I tossed around a couple ideas, and he told me things that he thought I was good at, and I brought up a few things I enjoyed. Outside of motherhood, one big constant for me in all my years, I’ve always loved connecting with people on very personal levels. Almost allergic to small talk, I don’t want to talk to you about the weather, but rather something that is on your mind. Something deeper than that. Something you aspire to do, something you’re struggling with. Or I want to talk to you about something deeper that’s on my mind, in order to connect with you and show you another layer of who I am.

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If you’ve known me for any amount of time, and have had a real conversation with me, you know that I don’t fake the funk. People who know me in real life, and follow me on social media know that they get the same person no matter what. (I may curse a little bit more in real life, but that’s only if I know there aren’t children present.) But THIS is me. And one thing that I brought up to Ryan as an answer to what I’m passionate about, is that I don’t like knowing people feel alone. Whether it’s in life, in motherhood, in their health, in their struggles, in their joy, I want to be able to use what God has given me, who He made me to be, and bring those struggling a glimmer of peace and to feel seen.

Okay, so all that to say, how am I going to put this into action? Honestly, I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep talking about my life, our struggles, our wins because that’s what I love. Maybe it’s here on the blog. Maybe it will be with people who send me direct messages. Or with friends I get to sit down and have coffee with. But my one prayer for 2021 is to continue this life of living with intention, not buying into the lies that THINGS make us happy, motherhood is always awful and hard, being healthy means you have a perfect body, and that a good life should always be easy and without obstacles.

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I feel like I declare this over every year, but last year I blogged 19 times over the course of a year, which is WAY more than I did in 2019, or 2018 combined! So here I go again, trying to be better at this, and setting a goal of AT LEAST once a week, which feels completely manageable at the moment. Happy first week of January!

Finding Joy Right Where I'm Planted...

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We’ve all heard the quote “Bloom Where You’re Planted” And if this year has taught me anything, it’s simply that. If you talked to me four years ago, I could tell you a million things I wished we had… things that I wished we could change about our house, our life, our financial situation. I was busy looking left and right and eyeing up all the things I didn’t have, and the lives of others on instagram, wishing for a home that felt “instagram-worthy” and perfect. I’m not generally someone who covets what others have, but I could easily get consumed by petty jealousy and play a mean game of comparison.

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In the last few years, I’ve worked pretty hard on this. I’ve become best friends with the “unfollow” button, or the mute button. I’ve stopped picking up magazines, stopped looking for things I want, and focused so much more on what we need, and let everything else fall away. Social media is very good at feeding us a lie that tells us that what we have is never enough and what other people share about having is what we also need to have. Living a life of excess, having an over abundance of stuff, a new wardrobe every season, blah blah blah… but I realized it’s not what is going to bring you happiness. Maybe it will in the moment, but long term, you can’t sustain that. Instead, you need to find the joy right where you are. In your current moment. Look around and pick out a couple things that make you smile. Count the blessings.

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My life is far from perfect. My home… far from perfect. Are those homes I see all over Instagram beautiful? You betcha. Would it be nice to have a little more space for our family to spread out a little? You betcha. But I am so proud of the home we do have. I love that we own a home that when people walk in, they feel cozy and welcomed. 2020 was the year we all stayed home, and the fact that I can say, I still love everything about this house, flaws and all, is saying something.

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I wrote an instagram post this morning about instead of comparing my life to what others have, I talked about the joy I felt when I made my bed and saw the new Christmas quilt and red pillows. Seeing so cute and put together, I remembered that wish i made three years ago that “one of these years I’m going to bring the Christmas decor to our bedrooms, in order to bring the holiday magic to the whole house.”

Last year, I invested in two very small and inexpensive trees for the kids rooms. Slowly, but surely, I’m creating the dream I had for us with the limited budget we have, but creating something magical for my children has become more of a priority for me than getting likes or follows on instagram.

Yesterday, as Jonathan looked around the house, he told me… “Mama, Christmas is my favorite time. This looks so magical.” I could feel the lump in my throat, and it made me realize that THAT is what it’s all about. Creating magic in the every day. And for me, there is nothing more magical than a home at Christmastime.

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My Holiday Tradition [Thirty-something Years in the Making]

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It was 2014, I was trying to figure out my first Christmas as a new momma and felt this overwhelming pull to do something creative. (I swear, that’s the story of my life as an artist… always looking to do something creative). I had just bought two 6 packs of navy & white glass bulb ornaments and had some left over paint pens from a previous project. I can make an ornament for Jonathan, like my mom used to do for us.

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A little background on the ornament making tradition in our family. It goes back to the late 80’s, when my mom had the same desire to make something creative for her kids, and so the yearly ornament was born. She would create a new design every year and make one for her kids and all of her nieces and nephews. (And my family is a big Irish Catholic family, so there is A LOT of us) <3 Somewhere around 2007-08 my mom decided to call it quits on the ornaments as her kids started to grow up and finish high school.

It only felt natural with my love of Christmas, to carry this tradition on, but the really fun element for me, was it was a way to spread this joy and love all over the country. If the only good thing about social media and the internet was that it helped to connect people who wouldn’t have normally met in other circumstances to somehow find people they enjoy or have things in common with, I’d say its been worth it.

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It started off slow… maybe 15 orders my first year, 25 my second year… but then I started added designs and options. And the orders starting coming in… ways for people to remember their loved ones, milestones, thank clients, celebrate family parties & special moments. I am always so honored whenever an order comes through and I see what new special ornament I get to make for someone, or how I get to create something that can bring joy or peace to their heart when they hang it on their tree.

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My second year, we had been feeling a hole in our hearts for the baby we had lost earlier that year, and making an ornament to remember him always fills my heart when I see it and know he is with us and watching out for his siblings from heaven. That year, I asked people to submit friends or family members who have experienced loss of a pregnancy or infant to send me their address so I could bless them with an ornament. Praying over those ornaments that they would give those families peace like I felt remembering my sweet baby.

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This is my seventh Holiday season making ornaments for people, and the joy of doing this has only grown. I love getting to come up with new ideas and designs. I mean this from the bottom of my heart, so much love goes into every design, so much prayer goes into every launch hoping these new designs bring a smile to someones face. Christmas can be hard for so many, so I pray I can bring simple joy to those who need it most.

If you have ordered in the past, Thank you… If you plan to order this year… Thank you. You have helped me find an identity outside of being a mom, that allows me to help provide a modest Christmas for my family, especially these past few years as we struggle towards financial stability.

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2020 has been hard for so many reasons, but let’s make a plan to make these last 60 days of the year so joyful and full of cheer!

I’d love to make something for your Christmas tree this year! I find so much joy in making every detail special! <3

a portion of orders from 2015

a portion of orders from 2015

a small portion of orders from 2019

a small portion of orders from 2019


Some of my Ornaments this year… more in the shop!