Still Distracted. And a House Update

I’m coming to realize that no matter how hard I try, if I don’t direct my focus to the right things, I’m going to always be DISTRACTED. Whether I’m being distracted by the noise of social media, the noise of podcasts, audiobooks, games on my phone, or the constant stream of anxious thoughts that flow through my brain on a daily basis… if I’m not directing my focus to that which I need to be prioritizing… I will get lost. When a thought crosses my mind while cleaning the kitchen and I pick up my phone to finish that thought, and black out and realize I was just sitting at the kitchen island perusing amazon instead of adding the item to my grocery list like I had intended. Sure, maybe my social media screen time has gone to zero, but Pinterest, text messages, email, amazon and mindless games have more than made up for it.

A little Life update: We have been thrust, face first, into a bathroom renovation. Sometime around October, we realized that the floor around our shower, in the primary on-suite bathroom, was starting to bow. We have lived in this house for over 4 years now, we are clean and responsible humans, not allowing massive amounts of water to pour on the floor after showers. Heck, Ryan is one of the cleanest people I know. (which is why I knew right away that I would marry that man, and raise babies with him.) Pretty sure I’m the messy one in this relationship, and even then I’m actually very clean. (Not neurotically so, but you know… it’s organized chaos).

Sorry, I digress. Back to the bathroom. We noticed that the granite slab that separates the shower from the vinyl flooring had a hairline crack in it. And overtime, water was slowly trickling down onto the subfloor and keeping it water logged, thus making it BOW. Well Shoot. With Christmas quickly approaching, family coming to visit and Ryan’s travel schedule for work… We just kept putting it off, knowing it was a ticking time bomb.

Boom.

About a month ago, we decided to tape off our bathroom, move everything out of there and start figuring out what the next steps would be to deal with this problem. Talked to home insurance adjusters, etc. As Ryan peeled back vinyl floor tiles to assess the damage, it became painfully obvious that we weren’t going to be able to simply replace the floor and be on our way. Ripping out subfloor, revealed a leaking shower drain, meaning we would need to rip out the tile in the shower.

And you know what that means. All the perfect pieces for an “If you give a mouse a cookie” situation. <if you’ve been around for any length of time, you’ll understand this reference> [or read this blog post] Could we rip out the shower, and replace it with the same brown tiles, and granite step and be on our way? Sure. This bathroom was only redone in 2017, so it wasn’t that old, we could probably find similar tile to match… but do we LIKE that tile? Not really. Tile costs money. And so begins our story…

If you’re going to replace tile, you might as well choOse tile you actually really like.

Let me preface this by saying, when we bought this house, I really liked the idea of having a tile bathroom with glass shower doors. When I saw the bathroom in question on the listing I said “That’s a nice bathroom. Not my personal style, or what I would pick, but really really nice.” And that’s how the past 4 years have gone. I love my bathroom, it’s bright, it’s clean and I feel like a complete spoiled brat to have it attached to my bedroom. After living in a house with only one full bathroom as a family of 5, moving to a home with 3.5 bathrooms felt like we won the lottery.

Welp. Here we are. The further we dug, the more we realized things were not done right. And if you know my husband… You know it needs to be done right. So welcome to my current anxiety spiral...

…The bathroom renovation I wasn’t mentally prepared to start. But as my sister in law reminded me, a kitchen renovation was thrust on us at our old house, and it resulted in an AMAZING kitchen in the end. A fridge leaked, turned a new kitchen floor into a mold and asbestos discovery, quarantined from our house/kitchen for months, everything was gutted, and over the course of a year we got a beautiful kitchen out of it. Honestly, the kitchen wasn’t finished until a few days before we listed it to sell… but minor details.

It’s amazing what a few new cabinets, new doors, hardware and paint can do to liven up a kitchen. Gosh I miss that kitchen. I almost miss the simplicity of life in Midland. I definitely miss being close to family. I miss the ease at which I could clean this whole house in a day. I miss the littleness of my babies when we lived here. Life was so different. Granted, it was towards the tail end of the ‘pandemic’ when we moved, and life was just… different like I said. I can’t help but look back at these photos and have my heart yearn to go back in time just for a little bit. If anything, just to be this younger mama, with squishy littles to snuggle.

Okay, until next time.

Adventures in Scrunchies, Saunas, Sneezes & Snail Mail

I’ve been sick. Not terribly sick, just an annoying sinus cold that has plagued one side of my face causing a steady stream of snot and tears, not to mention a thousand sneezes. Naturally, I’m the last to get it as I took care of all those in my house who had it before me. Making chicken noodle soup, tea and cleaning up piles of spent tissues. Now that I’m sick, everyone else has energy and I need peace and quiet. So for me, the last few days have looked like this… —> As I attempt to sweat all this out.

Not much has been going on over here, just the usual schedule <plus a sinus cold>. Piano Lessons, dance lessons, school work, working out, and home maintenance. These kids blow my mind daily with what they know and learn. They have a voracious appetite for books, math lessons, all things artistic and using their imaginations. Math & Artistic. When I was in college, going for my Bachelors in Art, so many of my classmates would talk about how much they hated math and how Artists DON’T like math because it uses the other side of the brain. As an artist & a fan of Math, I didn’t relate. Then I married a man who was artistic and proficient in Math, and we created three children, all artistic and enjoy the challenges numbers offer. Just over here making the world a little more interesting I guess.

I asked them all why they like math, and they each gave a very “THEM’ answer. Jonathan: “It’s all about problem solving!” Verona: “I just really like learning things, and getting to do ‘money math’.” Vivienne :”I like learning things by myself, and I can figure math out.” Independent kids with a love for learning. Cool. It’s almost like that’s the goal. Right?

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My in-laws gave my daughters a sewing machine for Christmas. A wonderfully nice and thoughtful gift. My mother in law is an extremely talented quilter and makes lots of amazing projects, and last fall she brought her machine and taught the girls how to make pillows. And they were obsessed! You could see their brains working with all the possibilities of things they could make.

I know how to sew. My mother always made us dresses and outfits and sewn things when we were kids, and my sister actually made BOTH of my prom dresses in high school, so I’ve been around a sewing machine my whole life. It was just never something I thought I had the patience to learn. In 2015, I decided to sew new cushion covers for our patio furniture. They aren’t perfect but they look great and did the job, and are still being used today! All this to say, I possess an underlying understanding and skills to figure out a sewing machine.

Well. Now we have our own. It has a permanent home in our homeschool room, at my desk where my old iMac used to reside. And like most things, I want to figure it out. Mainly, so I can teach the kids to use it, but also because I’m a maker. It’s just what I do.

Maybe I’ll make a whole other post about all the things I’ve attempted so far, but to understand me, you have to know I didn’t start with something small. I told the lady at hobby lobby that me and the girls were learning to sew, and she’s like “Oh did you try making scrunchies?” I told her no, and then showed her the bedside caddy I had made the day before, and said that maybe we should try to make some scrunchies as well.

Mission Accomplished. Verona now knows how to make them, and next I need to teach Viv. And Naturally, my children love to give, and my girls asked if they could make scrunchies for all their girl cousins. All our long scraps have been getting turned into scrunchies.

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Finally, my Lenten goal was to start writing letters to people in need of connection, looking to get away from the traps of their phones. I had posted something on my instagram on Tuesday, last week, before I signed off, saying to send me an email if you’re in need of some good ol’ fashioned snail mail. I haven’t gotten through all the emails yet, but I’m slowly getting letters written and posted! If you’re someone in need of prayer, encouragement or just connection, please email me at lettersofintention40@gmail.com and let me know your address, your name and what you’d like to write about, (prayers, encouragement, creativity, etc).

Alright, that’s all for now! Until next time!

Our Lenten Offerings

I’m a cradle Catholic. Meaning, I’ve been Catholic all my life, since a newborn. So I’ve done all the sacraments, attend weekly mass, go to confession, live my life as best as I can in accordance with the Bible & Catholic Catechism. I’ve been a part of 38 Lents now, obviously not being too aware of the ones in my earlier days, but I remember being served peanut butter sandwiches, fish sticks or cheese pizza at school lunch through the years. However, the core memory of Lent as a kid was always going to Ash Wednesday Mass at our school. (I attended Catholic school from K-12). As we got older, we were always worried about how big the cross would be, or if it would look silly compared to other kids. (Because kids can be cruel, even if it’s out of your control). It seemed silly and superficial, and kind of defeated the purpose of the message.

Seeing as my children are homeschooled, and spared of that form of torture, the last two years we’ve made it a priority to make it to Ash Wednesday mass. When you’re not solely focused on what other kids are going to say about your ash cross, it’s easier to listen to the message of fasting and almsgiving. Clearly, Lent was hard to understand as a kid. It felt like a lot of unnecessary discomfort. This whole concept of sacred suffering was lost on me, or at the very least, it wasn’t explained to me clearly. I always thought, “But why would God want me to suffer?” Even in to adulthood, suffering seemed like an unfair outcome.

In 2022, as I dug DEEP into my understanding of my faith, I read countless books by the saints and Catholic scholars about suffering and purification. Which only lead me to more and more questions. Questions I didn’t know how to answer, or who I should turn to for clarification. I felt a little overwhelmed by what I had found, so I texted my very smart, very faithful younger brother. I just wanted to toss around some things, see if he had any insight or recommendations on books I should read to understand deeper. When he texted back this:

“God allowed the torture and death of His Son on Earth, what makes you think you’re immune to suffering?”

— my wise youngest brother

Well, that was the punch in the gut I needed to hear. Why was I thinking my life should be perfect? No suffering, no inconveniences, no hardships? If God didn’t answer my prayers the way I had hoped He would, did it mean He is a Mean God? or Unjust? Of course not! It reminded me of all the time it took me to get pregnant, then having a miscarriage, and being told there is no medical explanation for my infertility. But we continued to pray, and “if not, He is Still Good”. Obviously if you know me at all, you know we went on to have 3 kids, but back to what I think I’m trying to say.

Lent is to remind us of the suffering Christ endured for us. As we choose things to give up, or fast from, we are meant to sit in our discomfort and offer up our suffering and prepare our hearts for the death and resurrection of our Lord. Taking that, and explaining it to children now as an adult, still seems a little foreign. I told them how we give up things we like, or sins we struggle with in order to heal our own ugliness. God will always forgive us when we come to Him for forgiveness, but we need to be actively working on improving ourselves to be better followers of Him. Jesus never said “You’re perfect just the way you are, no notes.” He tells us, “repent from your sins, go & sin no more.”

I could go on and on with this subject, but I think it might make some people a little annoyed or angry. I’ll leave you with this. Little Kids don’t need to give up anything for Lent, but if you show them by example of what you’re trying to do work on yourself this Lent, they might just want to do the same. The last two years, after we went to Ash Wednesday mass, with the ashes freshly placed on our foreheads, we sat down and discussed things we could offer up to God this Lent. We then wrote them out and hung them in a place we could see them daily to remember just what we need to be working on. It’s not perfect and to be honest, yesterday was spent in an anxiety loop of not know where to start or what to do… but I’m working on it.

Happy Friday! Until next time! <3

Welcome to My New "Home"

HI! Welcome to my little corner of the internet, and where I plan to hang out for the next 40 days, and maybe <hopefully> longer into the future! I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… I’m not sure if blogging is dead, but I’m not going to start over on Substack when I already have and pay for this site. I try every few months to resurrect this venture, with every intent to make it a habit, but alas, after a few days I forget and move on.

I’m hoping this time will be different, seeing as I won’t be sharing on Social Media. Can you believe it? I’m actually doing it. Giving up social media for Lent. I know this seems laughable to some, because people do it all the time, or (gasp) don’t even use social media in the first place <ie. my husband>. But for this girl who has been addicted to Instagram since 2011… that’s kind of a big deal.

I thought about this as I sat on a balcony in Miami last week, that maybe THIS would be the year I actually attempt this. Over the past 37 days I’ve been “bricking” my phone. Are you confused? Allow me to explain. There is a device, called a brick that you set it up on your phone to lock out certain apps at certain times of the day, and the only way to “unbrick” it is to physically go to the device and tap your phone to it. I know, there are ways to do this with the screen time settings on your phone, and I’ve tried that before but I didn’t have the willpower to NOT “allow access” after my time limit had passed. “Just a few more minutes” I’d tell myself and then mindlessly scroll for another few hours. My screen time usage was embarrassing, and I knew once I started hiding the truth about it from my husband that it was becoming a problem. Tasks weren’t getting done. Dinner wasn’t getting made. My level of annoyance and agitation went sky high. All the warning signs were there. I’d rather check out of my life and allow the thoughts, opinions & lives of other people to fill my mind and my day.

This isn’t meant to be an ad for Brick, but I can’t even begin to tell you, those first couple days were interesting. I busied myself with stuff I needed to get done, laundry, cleaning, schoolwork with the kids. But then something amazing happened. I realized missing out on other peoples lives, their posts, reels and stories, meant I was being fully present in my own. We started doing fun projects again, I was playing with them, looking them in the eyes, snuggling on the couch (undistracted). I learned a new hobby. I sat in the silence, or as the gen z kids are calling it “Raw-dogging” or not filling moments of downtime with screen time. You know, like we did in the 90’s <gasp>. (Also, raw dogging means something else if you grew up in the 80s & 90s… just saying)

Let’s break this down and do the math. I’ve been bricking for the past 37 days, that’s 888 hours. Of those 888 hours, I’ve had social media turned off for the past 789 hours. Allowing for 99 hours of social media use. That just means it was available on my phone, not that I was actually on it. But let’s just say hypothetically, I did use it, that would be 2.7 hours a day of social media use. Which, full disclosure, is EXPONENTIALLY LESS than what I was ACTUALLY spending on my phone before.

I used to sit a let reels and videos play as I cooked dinner, got ready in the morning, sat on the couch with my kids, hell, I even would watch stuff while I was attempting to do school with my kids. And as I sit here and try to recall the content of what was in the videos or clips I watched, my mind is blank. I can’t remember. I wasted precious memories with my kids, in order to watch clips that I can’t even recall now. Was it worth it?

I know you might say I’m being too hard on myself, and to give myself grace. Yeah. I’ve told myself this as well. That’s just what people do these days, fill voids with their phones. But I challenge you, put the phone down, go for a walk, touch grass. The drama of the news, politics, other peoples lives will still be there whether you see it in real time or not. And if things are THAT important, someone else will let you know. (like finding out that James Van Der Beek died).

Okay, off my soapbox. But I’m going back. Back to updating my life, like I did back in 2006-2009. IF you made it this far, thank you. If you’re going to be reading and keeping updated with our lives, won’t you be so kind as to engage with likes and comments. Until next time! <3